Category Archives: Journal

I think you journal when the journey is just as important as the destination.

Strong Man

There’s hardly any people in the gym at stupid o’clock in the morning, this works out quite nicely for me. The locker room isn’t packed, machines are available and there’s not many idiots screaming their way through each exercise.
The familiar smell of the recently applied cleaning products greeted me as I walked into the locker room. Sweaty lemon. My eyes scanned the room looking for somewhere to set down my kit before hitting the showers.
My usual corner was empty, there was no bag on the bench or hoodie hanging from the wall so I set my bag down there and headed off to shower.
I’m done and unlike most of the old white guys that frequent the gym I always manage to get my underwear on while maintaining my dignity, if you know what I mean.
I’d barely pulled my trousers past my knees when I feel a sudden jolt in my back. My head snapped back like I was an extra in Willow Smith’s whip my hair video. I all but smash my face into the wall before my hands come up to save me. 
I don’t know what I felt as I turned around to see who this clown was, I was completely certain I would be informing him that comedy wasn’t his calling.
He was muscular, you could tell he comes to the gym often, maybe a little taller than me, his eyes seem tired, like he just got out of bed, his hair uncombed, and he was foaming at the corners of his lips.
His arms were waving wildly like they were flapping wings building up to flight.
“You’re in my space FAM!!!
I had yet to compose myself, whipping my hair back and forth was not an easy dance move.
He was shouting so loud that a few guys had wandered into the room.
At this point I was of two minds, the Godly thing to do, as far as I knew was to humbly say something pious like “God bless you.” Grab my bag and let him have the space. 
The second option was much more appealing, Proverbs 22:15 Foolishness is bound up in  the heart of the child and it takes the rod of correction to remove it far from it and Proverbs 13:24 spare the rod and spoil the child. I was about to give this guy a beating, I mean a disciplining of biblical proportions.
His movements were lacking the grace and elegance anyone with training in martial arts has. His balance was non-existent as he bounced on the balls of his feet with his heading bopping around like it was attached to his body with a cheese strings.
I didn’t get any feeling he was actually capable of controlling the body he had obviously worked on disproportionately now that I had looked at him properly I noticed his chest and arms seemed defined but he had toothpicks for legs. 
I silently prayed; 
Father. Thank you for the opportunity to be your rod of correction, for you use mere men such as me to show fools who think they are hard that they are not. Please now Lord, give me a sign that you wish for me to lay hands on this fool.
To your glory of course.
He swung.

I realised very quickly that I might have been very wrong about this guy it seemed comedy truly was his calling. His form was a joke, I could see the punch line coming from a mile away and it was hilarious. He was telegraphing like he was trying to send a message in 1837. 
The chorus of Fat Joe’s song lean back started playing in my mind but I hesitated. If I dodged his punch, it wouldn’t be too obvious that I hadn’t started this fight.
I also wanted to measure how much of a beating I could safely deliver to this fool so decided
I would measure his strength by the nature of his strike.

I braced my neck for impact, ready to roll with the punch if he indeed turned out to be just incredibly good at concealing his skills.
His skin felt coarse and dry as his fist introduced itself politely to my cheek.  I instinctively closed my eyes. I think a smile crept over my face as I realised, he really wasn’t trained, my baby sister punched harder than this guy.

Finally, I’d received the first punch and no one would call me mean or a bully, I wouldn’t lose my gym membership I would have been acting in self-defence when I baptised this guy in the name of pain and blood and humility.
I suddenly found myself looking at two people, one an older man, maybe in his 60’s the other just a young boy. The older one looked angry. Livid. He was about to swing for the boy but something about the way he did so looked curiously familiar. Had I blacked out? Was I wrong about this guy after all?
And why was this older man about to smack this young boy in such a viscous fashion. He swung his fist, now I don’t how I knew but I just did. I recognised the boy was this guy that had decided to assault me and the man was his father. This wasn’t a boxing lesson, this was a beating! But it seemed to have taught my attacker everything he knew.

My heart sank, just a little bit, but my pride and my lust for violence were just about able to keep it afloat, I was still duty bound to baptise him and I respond to my duties with all diligence.

His hand was barely leaving my face when I opened my eyes.  
He stepped back as I straightened up. I shifted my left foot about a shoulder’s width forward,  bent slightly at the knees, raised my right hand to my chin and the left was held out slight in front of my mouth. I shifted my weight to the balls of my feet. 
I was acutely aware of the fact that we’d just finished a chest workout, my movements would be much slower, much more laboured, but the adrenaline would help manage that. I began to calm myself.


Ken No Sen, Tai No Sen, Tai Tai No Sen, I had time.  I was awaiting the right moment to decide which form of attack I would go with.  Shall I make the first move, react to his next move, or confuse him by attacking simultaneously as he did.
He shifted his weight to his left foot as his right leg came fluttering towards me.  At this point I was almost insulted by his lack of technique, the speed was incredibly slow, his movement incredibly predictable.

Tai Tai No Sen it is.

My left foot almost involuntarily went straight for the inside of his thigh. I connected and watched him buckle.

In the same space, almost SuperImposed on him I watched his mother buckle, almost as though she was his shadow in a video game and he was repeating moves he had done just before. In front of me stood his semi-transparent step dad recoiling, having punched her in the stomach and getting prepared to punch her some more. He raised his head as I saw a slightly older version of that boy running towards him. He pushed him with all his strength threw his right leg in the exact same way he had just now.

He was certainly stuck in his ways. But this kick was much nobler. He was defending his mother and I watched as he got brutally beaten by yet another man.

My heart sank a little more

And my head quickly followed as he swung wildly for me

I barely dogged having been distracted by this hallucination, illusion, and vision? I was confused. But I had no intention to get beaten up for it. I pushed him away having side stepped another straight left.

I began to pray, a little more sincerely this time. What was God trying to show me?

I tripped and fell over a bag and watched in horror as this guy jumped right on top of me, I could barely see the faces of all the guys gathered round us I could hear them cheering on, their feet rustling, a few guys swearing as they held back some who wished to stop this fight. But my pride had left me. I knew God had something to say and to be honest this was the perfect opportunity to have a moment to actually concentrate on whatever that was.

My arms rose up to protect my face as I wrapped my legs around his torso and pulled him in. He was trying to punch me. Wildly going for it. But in this position it was all show.  I was perfectly fine and from behind my guard I watched as he turned into every man, uncle, friend, enemy, and cell mate that had ever put him in the same position he had me in.

That had ever brutally beaten him and kneaded and moulded him into the hopeless excuse of a man he had become.

And God showed me myself from his point of view, how I had gestured towards my head at my friend who was stood behind him earlier on that morning.  I was jokingly telling my friend that he was crazy because he has gestured at me insinuating that I was looking lustfully at the girl working out beside me.

He thought I was insulting him, and given his past I realised this was the only way he knew how to deal with how he felt about that.

I looked out at him again and noticed he was getting tired. I caught his right arm under my left and slid him over to my left side as I rolled over to the right.

He was straight back up and coming for me, his right fist thundering dangerously towards my face. I shifted slightly to my right and towards him and as his arm flew over my shoulder I hugged him like we were long lost friends re-united.

I whispered quickly, I’m sorry for all you had to go through, but God loves you.

Surprised and maybe confused he stopped fighting the tears he had held back all these years.

We talked.

This might not be the story of every delinquent or violent male or incarcerated criminal, but every delinquent or violent male or incarcerated criminal has a story. Maybe if we knew the story before we judged them we’d do so a little more compassionately. Maybe we wouldn’t need to judge them at all. Maybe we shouldn’t judge at all.

Maybe we could just show love to all men, in the same way God’s shown an incredible amount of love to us.

And we don’t even have an excuse.

Warm Bodies (Well Dressed Walking Dead)

Warm Bodies

This won’t be a fan made commentary on the movie of the same title. I thought it was an OK movie at best. I did like the plot; and not because of the unlikely love story between a zombie and a pretty girl, but because of the portrayal of the power of love and the nature of a Zombie.

Now, I’m not about to over spiritualise being a zombie but I do find it quite interesting, this concept of the walking dead.

We never really vilify Zombies. It’s not really their fault that all they seem to want to do is bury their teeth in you and treat your guts like spaghetti. Somehow, we accept that it’s just their nature. In warm bodies, the main character seemed to be at the very least “conflicted” about it. But he wasn’t convicted of it being wrong till he met the girl.
And somehow falling in love with her and the rest of his zombie friends witnessing their love, turned them human again. blah blah blah, sob sob. OK

What I find interesting here is that it very much reminds me of the nature of humanity.

In Ephesians 2:1 the bible describes human beings, as being dead in our sin. Verse 3 goes on to describe us as following solely after the desires of our flesh.

All prejudices aside, if looked through objective eyes, I think it would be easy for one to conclude that the bible is talking about some kind of zombie.

Naturally, human beings are just going to do what pleases their bodies.

The difficulty arises from trying to convince someone that the desires of the flesh will only lead to their destruction (Gal 5:19-21). The popular question becomes, what’s wrong with having a bit of fun? Truth is, I won’t argue with that concept; there isn’t really anything wrong with a bit of fun, except for what the results of “fun” can be?

In truth, what we really want to do, as inspired by our lusts and flesh, and this may vary for every individual in some way, is to have sex, drink our problems away, or work them out in the gym, beat up anyone who we really don’t like, eat chocolate, sleep all day and party all night, or study till we know everything etc.
Now let me be the first to say that this is extremely sweeping and general and is no way a representation of everything I consider to be sin, in fact all those things aren’t conventionally called sin and are things that I, in fact, like to do, or will look forward to doing in the right context. However, in exceedingly simplistic terms, what we want to do, whenever we want to do it, would be done to some extent, to our own, or another’s detriment.

So we’d break hearts, and raise our cholesterol, or strain relationships because we are in the gym, or at work, or in a book when we don’t need to be etc. These things that seemingly are harmless to others most of the time are seemingly fine if WE think they are ok, but when looked at from the outside can be devastating, eventually.

And that’s one of the problems we have, if it’s ok for me and I’m not hurting anyone else then that’s fine right.
Thing is, we are all connected in one way or the other and whatever you do to yourself will inevitably affect someone else.

But that’s not even the point of this post.

What’s most important is realising that we owe our existence to God, not to a cosmic accident that occurred however long ago (we can talk about the age of the universe in another post), but if we truly believe that initially there was nothing, and then it exploded; then it’s fine to do whatever we think is right. The only problem is we Christians should know better and this is what we should be talking about.

I think this post is for those of us that like bible bashing non-believers with scripture after scripture condemning them of their sin and talking about hell. Not that those aren’t relevant but if we’ve not established the existence of God and His love then their rejection of whatever we say remains inevitable. Plus it’s not up to us anyway, to convict anyone of their sin, that’s the Holy Spirit’s job (John 16:8).

As far as I know, and I might be wrong, in the old days when they would preach repent! Repent! it was to people who already had knowledge of God from their culture. To the Jews who are still God’s own people.

The thing is, now, the world already has an idea of God and Christ that is painted by family guy and the davinci code and isn’t at all helped by the church in the most part.
We’ve become unloving and judgemental and don’t really reflect Christ in as much as we seem to be becoming Pharisees in our own right.

I’m not trying to insult anyone or claim that I am any better but I think the world is only doing what the world sees right and in the same way I can’t blame a zombie for doing just that, I can’t blame them.
What I can do is show them, and tell them about A True Love, The Person who is LOVE, Jesus Christ. Whose Love can give them freedom from the desires of their flesh and help them live the life they were meant to live when they were designed by God.

A fork successful at being a spoon is still a failure. That simply isn’t what it was created for!!!

The beauty of it all is that the Power of God unto salvation is held in the message itself, not in the one delivering it, not in his shoes, or apparel but in the very words describing that Christ died for the sins of man that they would be freed and have justified means to reconnect with their Creator (Romans 1:16, give the whole chapter a read, it is beautiful!).

I pray that more people get to know this, and get to see the love by which we should be distinguished as Christians (John 13:35), and by which the world should see us as Christ-like (Acts 11:26).

Only Love can make a zombie whole.

*Runs away, as you must from zombies!!!*

Take care and stay blessed.

Signing out

Stop Thinking, Start Doing!

It’s been quite a while since I posted anything. Since March last year to be exact. 
Now whilst I did go on Hiatus for exams and intended to come back afterwards, I found myself caught in this weird but familiar place where I’d spend all my time planning and never really got on with actually doing any of the things I’d planned.
That stops now!
Now don’t get me wrong, planning is essential to getting anything done right! You have to have a plan. The popular saying goes something like:
and while I don’t entirely subscribe to that it does hold some relevance and truth. 
The problem is we can, at least I did, get sucked into planning so much, and trying to get all the right equipment and resources available before we move.
I was trying to create the perfect moment to start. But perfect is really really hard to come by and more often than not, just non existent in this dimension.
I’ve found out recently that:
It’s not about those who can, it’s about those who do.
Because having the ability to do something and actually doing it are two completely different things.
We have the ability to feed everyone in the world, but some people still starve to death…
I guess the long and short of it is; There is no time like the present. 
The time is now. You want to pray more; close your eyes. You want to read more, read another post off the blog (shameless plug). You want to love more, give someone a call.
I needed to post more, and you’re reading this.
And there’ll be more.
Have an amazing year, and thank you for reading.
Signing out.

tech days of CHRISTMAS

For most it’s nearing that #Stress time as everyone looks to get that order in for Christmas gifts and cards, suddenly we are all aware of the fact that there are certainly far too many cars on the ice covered roads, and for some reason everyone is at the one shop you want to go to, at the one time you want to go there, just so they can get in your way as you browse, and make the queue unbearably longer.

I wish I could say there’s an app that could empty out shopping centers at the click of a button and leave you to walk freely between shops not worrying that someone is going to grab the last one of that gift you wanted so bad, but there isn’t. The technology isn’t there yet, only advice I can give is start shopping early or eat lots of Brussels sprouts and drink lots of whole fat milk and release a properly fuelled fart in a public place and if it’s “aromatic” enough and you don’t mind the stigma, you should finally have some breathing space (Pun very much intended).

However, it’s not all bad news. Technology has advanced significantly enough to afford us some slack at this time of the year and I’ll try and document a few examples of how in this article.

Price Comparison Apps; Google shopper, Google goggles, retail line apps (HMV, Asos, Tesco, etc), Bar-code scanners, Yelp etc


When I went to buy my laptop a few years back, I remember jumping from PC World, to Currys (this was before the merge), to comet, to best buy taking notes and comparing prices of laptops that were on offer.

Unlike most women I had done my homework and compared prices of all the potential purchases online before I had gone out, but there were still some offers that were only available on laptops in those specific branches of the shops and I still had to run around like an excited child to make sure I got the best deal.

In as much as that little adventure was enjoyable for me, in the summer, with great weather and nothing better to do. I can imagine that in the chilling winter, on a budget and with little time to spare,you wouldn’t be as keen, cue Price Comparison Apps.

These normally work by using the camera on your phone or tablet to scan the bar-code of what you want to purchase and searches the web for the best deal. It’s as simple as that. These apps are normally free, and will have the functionality to send you through to the best offer’s website for you to make the purchase right away. You’d be surprised by the savings you can make simply by moving from one shop to the other and now you can let technology do that for you.

Event Locator Apps; You version – live, Find My Friends (apple), Social Networking Apps, Google Maps – Places, Yelp


There will be lots of things going on at Christmas, from free shows, to concerts, to fun fairs, you name it. Sometimes it gets hard to stay on top of what’s happening and that’s where Event Locator Apps come in. These use your location, to find out what’s going on around you and gives you details of those events.

You version Live is a great example of this. It’s part of the You Version Bible app and simply has you type in a post code or town name, searches the internet and boom there’s your day sorted out for you at but the touch of a screen (see what i did there?) (I didn’t really do much so it’s OK if you didn’t)(I AM funny, you just don’t get it!)
Anyway, say you find yourself at one of these events. It would be cool to find out if any of your friends are there right? Well, that’s where your Social Networking Apps come in, most of you would have Facebook or twitter already but one thing that most of us miss is that we can set it to display our location and if your friends do the same you can easily know if they are there with you or not.

Apple have a specialized app for this called Find My Friends(Not stalkerish at all) which allows you to see the location of your friends on a map (with their permission of course).

Event/Location Validation Apps; Yelp, Flixster, IMDb


So you’ve heard about a great restaurant or you’re looking for a good movie house for a treat. If it’s a completely new place you want it would be very hard to randomly select a good one, that’s close to you and within your budget from a quick Google search. Even if you did find one, the advertisement from the company would never paint a bad picture about the place, so you aren’t guaranteed it will be great, and even if it did paint a true picture, that would be a subjective view from one person (or group) that created the advert. What you’d want is the recommendation of a friend or the reviews of a few different people to give you a good idea of what you should expect.
That is Yelp in a nutshell, simply select from a list of categories, cinemas, restaurants, Petrol Stations etc and Yelp will look at your location and show you a list of all the cinemas, restaurants, Petrol Stations around you, with reviews from people who have been there and a five star rating on how great the place is overall based on all the reviews.

Flixster and IMDb are quite similar in their function albeit they more cinema/movie focused.

And there you have it, hopefully this will help you find the best price for that gift, prevent you from missing that concert you didn’t know about and help you get to the best restaurant just outside your house without having to break a sweat.

Have a great Christmas and a blessed new year.


Tech things I wish I knew before Uni

The very first thing I’ll say, though arguably not tech related, and which most of you will probably say you already know is this. Being taught in a class with about 25 other pupils is NOT the same as being in a lecture theatre with about 200 other people. Think along the lines of old school black and white compared to 4D cinema, Johnny English compared to Tony Jaa in Ong bak, BMX bikes to the USS enterprise, to get a feel of how different these two are.
Be prepared.
Let’s start with this list
These days in university, almost everything is done online. That said most universities do make a reasonable attempt to provide enough computers for the students, but like I said they can only attempt.

Continue reading Tech things I wish I knew before Uni


One of the most painful deceptions of the Eyes (flesh)

I’ve got trust issues. Seriously deep seeded trust issues.
It’s funny cos it’s not the kind that means I’ll be checking up on my partner like the crazy chick in Tyler Perry’s Why did I get married too.
Nor is it the kind that would mean i’d be leaving hidden cameras about my house to check on those I live with, Nor is it the kind that Jeremy Kyle would love to work with.
I’ve got trust issues with my flesh.
suddenly that sounded much more silly than I thought it would be but yh, I got trust issues with my flesh.
See I’ve learnt that I simple can’t trust any of my five senses, Sometimes I might want to eat, but I’m not hungry, I might feel cold but it’s reasonably warm (Hard to believe in London, I know), I might think I’ve seen something but there’s nothing there.
As far as I’m concerned my flesh is a habitual Liar in desperate need of some rehab and I need to get it there.
Here’s the thing that worries the most and this might be the bit for you.

Sometimes I feel far from the Father.

You know like you’ve just drifted away, sometimes it’s cos I may have recognised some sin, sometimes I simply haven’t done anything wrong, but I just feel far from the Father.
Sometimes this will mean that I can’t pray as much, or minister as powerfully as I should. Sometimes it affects relationships, If Dad’s mad at me I don’t want to speak to anyone too.


See this is why it’s alright to have trust issues, if it’s with my flesh. Because in the Bible it says specifically that God will never forsake me nor will He have left

So even when I feel so far, I reach out all the same because Just like I’d see a MIRAGE and there’d be no water there, My flesh is lying to me because My Father is still right here in my heart, and beside me, and all around and listening to me.

Even when I might feel lonely, I know it’s the flesh trying to Lie to me, and I reach out into the darkness of my solitude and Guess what, EVERY SINGLE TIME God reminds me that He’s right there, always Has been, and always Will, it’s in the name; Jehovah!!!!

So I got trust issues. but not the kind I wanna get rid of. Infact it’s the kind that saves my life.

Hope this’ll bless you.